Re: good vs. bad books. I used to feel this really hard, the good book part. I think part of it is about building confidence. I would read an amazing book and be like, how can I possibly do anything like this? Then, I had the shounen fighter phase: I will do Even Better! I will Be Stronger! I still feel it a lot, though more and more writing becomes a flow, something in conversation with other works but not looking over the shoulder at them. Game writing helps -- I write for this group, in this moment. Tolstoy may be relevant, but he's not in the room right now, trying to co-opt my GMing (imagine Tolstoy as a GM: "Player: I try to hit the Kobold. T: Why? Your actions are ultimately immaterial in the great integral of history. Why don't you stare at the sky instead?")
Re: kindness, couldn't agree more. Honestly, we could use a few more stories I feel about how hard kindness can be. How much strength there is in just smiling and being patient and saying a few nice words when you very much Do Not Want To.
Happy friday! We should get together sometime and make irresponsible alcohol decisions (which for me these days would be like 2 drinks) and talk Tolstoy. And kobolds.
The kindness comment is interesting to me. I agree with premise that kindness is difficult. However, my perspective has long been that the major error in American culture is a category error that conflates "nice" and "kind." Real kindness sometimes isn't "nice." It can kinder to offer constructive criticism that's difficult to hear than to let things slide and just get along. Knowing when to provide criticism and how to make sure it's constructive are skills that take practice, like you discuss above. I think there are lots of other ways that kindness and niceness diverge. Your examples above work, I think. Giving somebody what you think they need might be nice, giving something they actually want is kind and much more difficult. Perhaps these are related, though. Being nice is (mostly) easy, or at least doesn't require much active from the person being nice. Just be friendly and don't make waves.
Nice and kind are different things for certain, & I think you're right that there is a regrettable tendency to conflate them. "Though scary is exciting, nice is different than good." Nice can be a lot of work too—iirc that's what 'emotional labor' was originally intended to describe, the work involved in presenting a particular affect. The 'active' part is inwardly directed.
Love this, as usual :)
Re: good vs. bad books. I used to feel this really hard, the good book part. I think part of it is about building confidence. I would read an amazing book and be like, how can I possibly do anything like this? Then, I had the shounen fighter phase: I will do Even Better! I will Be Stronger! I still feel it a lot, though more and more writing becomes a flow, something in conversation with other works but not looking over the shoulder at them. Game writing helps -- I write for this group, in this moment. Tolstoy may be relevant, but he's not in the room right now, trying to co-opt my GMing (imagine Tolstoy as a GM: "Player: I try to hit the Kobold. T: Why? Your actions are ultimately immaterial in the great integral of history. Why don't you stare at the sky instead?")
Re: kindness, couldn't agree more. Honestly, we could use a few more stories I feel about how hard kindness can be. How much strength there is in just smiling and being patient and saying a few nice words when you very much Do Not Want To.
Happy Friday!
Happy friday! We should get together sometime and make irresponsible alcohol decisions (which for me these days would be like 2 drinks) and talk Tolstoy. And kobolds.
Yes absolutely let's do that!
The kindness comment is interesting to me. I agree with premise that kindness is difficult. However, my perspective has long been that the major error in American culture is a category error that conflates "nice" and "kind." Real kindness sometimes isn't "nice." It can kinder to offer constructive criticism that's difficult to hear than to let things slide and just get along. Knowing when to provide criticism and how to make sure it's constructive are skills that take practice, like you discuss above. I think there are lots of other ways that kindness and niceness diverge. Your examples above work, I think. Giving somebody what you think they need might be nice, giving something they actually want is kind and much more difficult. Perhaps these are related, though. Being nice is (mostly) easy, or at least doesn't require much active from the person being nice. Just be friendly and don't make waves.
Nice and kind are different things for certain, & I think you're right that there is a regrettable tendency to conflate them. "Though scary is exciting, nice is different than good." Nice can be a lot of work too—iirc that's what 'emotional labor' was originally intended to describe, the work involved in presenting a particular affect. The 'active' part is inwardly directed.